I Might Love You I Just Can't Remember
by LadyAiken
Summary: Luke & Noah are now married, only Luke thinks he's still with Reid!  Not quite your typical love triangle.
1. THAT Night

_**I Might Love You... I Just Can't Remember**_

**Chapter 1 – 'THAT Night'**

It was November 2015. The Mayers (Luke and Noah to their friends) had been married the previous summer. Luke was twenty-six and Noah was just shy of the same birthday. It could not be called a dream wedding, but it was a happy wedding with lots of laughter, merriment and of course, that all important ingredient, _love_. Nobody at the reception that evening could have denied that the millennia-old opiate was thick in the air. Not even someone as stoic as Reid Oliver. A man who would not appear to be the usual slayed lover of romance novels. Nonetheless, Reid had been left single again, just shy of forty-eight hours before Luke said 'I Do' to Noah Mayer, the original – and some would say only – love of his life.

So, what lead Luke Mayer (né Snyder) to walk out on Reid? And, some might say more incredulously, what made him walk straight back into the arms of his long-term ex-lover, who he then married before the weekend? With Reid Oliver, one is never sure. In fact, more than one past lover has been known to issue as a parting remark that they thought he did not even _have_ a heart. None of that matters now. It might have mattered before, but it is irrelevant now.

Back to the present. It's November 2015. Luke and Noah were out with some friends, the details are not necessary. Suffice to say that both men were slightly less than sober. It was a little before 2AM when Luke decided it was time to go home. Both not being able to drive, they decided to walk the mile or so back to the Snyder farm, which they now occupied alone. For most of the journey, it was the usual scene of two inebriated men holding each other up and staggering aimlessly in the rough direction that was their home. One supposed that by the time they reached home, one would flop out half-dead on the couch, one leg hanging off the edge until around midday the next day. The other, well, he would probably end up half tripping up the stairs and would eventually stagger into bed at around 3AM and not surface til the following afternoon. The one that woke up on the couch would groan, roll over and promptly thump on the floor. Then, he would stand, realise some of what happened the previous night (but never quite all) and wander upstairs and crash next to the one snoring loudly, still fully clothed on-top of the duvet.

That was the plan anyway.

It never quite happened.

Somewhere along one of the last lanes before the Snyder farm, Luke stumbled on some loose gravel, and given that the lane was not lit, frantically swayed in a sea of blackness to regain his balance. The only problem was, in order not to fall head-first and potentially crack his head open, he elected to take a step to the left. A step that both he and Noah would come to heavily regret. For, as Luke Mayer stepped to the left, a large haul truck came round the corner. The next twenty or so seconds happened in slow motion for the younger of the pair. He watched as Luke, illuminated by two headlights at full force, stood frozen to the spot, facing the truck. Some say that watching that is like watching a rabbit – Noah will regretfully tell you that is a just analysis. He watched, rooted to his own spot, as the truck struck Luke full-force in the abdomen and sent him sprawling backwards. By the time Noah was at his side, Luke was not conscious and there was blood all around. The source was not immediately clear, but one could safely assume it was from the back of Luke's head as it struck the ground.

An ambulance must have been called, because the next thing Noah can recall is sitting in a hospital waiting room... and waiting. Luke had been rushed into surgery before the on call had even parked in the parking lot. They were not entirely sure, but it was a good bet that Luke had some form of intracranial haematoma from the force of the blow to his head from the road.

It was some hours later, none of which Noah thought he slept, when a pair of feet stopped before him.

"Okay, here's the deal."

Noah did not even have to look up to know that voice. Only one doctor in all of Oakdale had such a bad bedside manner. Doctor Reid Oliver. The same doctor who just _happened _to be Noah's husband's ex lover. You could not have written it in a story and had it be believed. It really was happening.

Reid, however, was continuing with oblivion. He did not seem to know, or care, that Noah was not hearing anything he said.

"...So, to conclude you are _incredibly_ luckly I was not getting laid tonight and your boyfriend- "

"Husband."

"_Husband._" Though he did not seem comfortable with that word and added extra sarcasm to prove it, "Got here in time. Now, I've managed to complete my part of the bargain. Let's just hope Luke can do his. And wake up. For whatever reason you need him to." Even with Luke's life at stake, Reid's bedside manner did not adjust.

Luke stayed sedated for the next two weeks whilst Reid did God knows how many tests and injected just as many drugs. In the end, Noah stopped asking questions. Reid said what Reid wanted to do and Noah simply nodded to anything and continued the twenty-four hour bedside vigil.

On day sixteen, Reid walked in and flipped open the chart before acknoledging Noah was still there.

"My God, are you _still_ here? Couldn't you go home and, I don't know, maybe take a shower or something? No wonder Luke's not waking up with you in that state, it's pitiful." Reid simply shook his head and Noah said nothing. Out came the little white flashlight and in Luke's eyes it was shone. "Good, pupils are still reacting." Reid scribbled something on the chart, put it down but, unlike normal, made no attempt to rush out on Noah.

"I'm stopping sedation." Noah's head shot up. "It's high time we saw if he actually _wants_ to come back to this God foresaken hell-hole."

With that, Reid Oliver was out leaving Noah dumbfounded.

It took seven hours for Luke to start stirring. Noah had thankfully been home to shower and shave, though it had taken Holden threatening to carry him over his shoulder to get him to budge. Even then, Holden had to lock Noah in his bathroom so he actually got in the shower and then stand and observe him shaving to get him to do it without accidentally cutting his face open and causing a haematoma of his very own.

Still, Luke began to wake. It was just him, Noah and an unwelcome Reid in the room. The only reason Reid continued to look after Luke, despite their former relationship, was because Reid really was the only one who had any chance of being able to help Luke. Noah grudgingly had to admit defeat there. Reid may be a complete arsehole with no bedside manner and a boyfriend stealer. Yet, despite all that he was a bloody good brain surgeon.

Luke's eyes opened and Noah leaned over, so that he would be the first thing Luke saw. He was all relieved smiles. Reid stood against the sink's counter with an utterly bored look on his face. In fact, he began to count the ceiling tiles.

Luke dropped Noah's hand. Worry creased Noah's face. "Babe, what's wrong? I'm here." Luke rasped out "Noah? What are you doing here? We split up. Reid?" He started searching the room for Reid, as Noah sat there looking more shell-shocked than before. His eyes then fell on Reid and he smiled, right up to his brown eyes.

"I knew you'd never leave me."


	2. Enter Bob

**Chapter 2 – Enter Bob**

Noah felt like somebody had slapped him straight across the face with an ice cold hand. Yes it was a literary metaphor, but there was no real way to explain it other than a metaphor. Reid looked just as confused as Noah did. If Luke had not just been unconscious for the past sixteen days, Noah would swear Reid had put him up to this. He still hung on to the hope that it was a sick joke and that Luke would remember him. Noah had read about cases of people who were told their loved one might not remember them and they had woken up to remember everything. Reid had not said anything of the sort to warn Noah, so why could Luke not remember who his own husband was?

Reid walked over and stood somewhat awkwardly by Luke's other side.

"Welcome back to this dump. Can you tell me your name?" Luke cracked a grin.

"C'mon, Silly, it's me your dealing with... your _boyfriend_ even though I know you hate the word." Reid remained stoic and said nothing.

"Still, you've been in a coma sixteen days. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't run through these boring and inane tests... as much as I'd prefer to be at home. Name?" He enquired again, impatiently this time. Luke rolled his eyes in response and sighed. This was going to be a very long day.

"Luke Snyder." Noah had to stop himself from physically gagging. Reid seemed to sense this and looked over at Noah.

"Well, he has _some_ memory. Mayer, I suggest you get the hell out of my patient's room before I have to bring a gurney in for you too." Noah remained seated, his hand where Luke had dropped it.

"Now, beat it." Noah got up and walked outside, where he staggered and a passing intern had to grab him and help him to a chair.

Meanwhile back in Luke's room, Reid's manner had not changed.

"Date?"

"You said sixteen days... so I'd say it was November 26th, 2012." Reid winced.

"Try November 26th, 2015." Luke just looked baffled.

"But... but... You said sixteen days."

"It has been sixteen days. You were hit by a truck November 26th, 20_15_." He emphasised the last two digits of the date.

"No. You got it wrong Reid." Reid shrugged and began to walk out.

In the hallway, he flopped down opposite Noah and rubbed his face.

"Man, you have one _hell_ of a stubborn boyf-"

"_Husband._" Noah growled.

"Whatever. Right now he thinks it's November 26th, 2012. He has no memory of you, Noah."

Noah made a disbelieving splutter and could find no words. Reid continued.

"Well, obviously he remembers you, but three years back. He's convinced he's still dating me. You heard what he thought his name was."

Noah stood up. He began to cross the hallway, but Reid jumped up and blocked Luke's door just as Noah began to turn the doorknob.

"Don't. Just don't Noah. You have to trust me on this. I'm a brain surgeon. I know you hate me, but what Luke needs now is time. Time to adjust and try and remember. If you, or anybody else pushes him too far, his memory could be lost forever... or worse deteriorate even more. You're just going to have to sit and wait." Noah bristled.

Before he could object further, a familiar voice came from behind.

"He's right, Noah." Noah turned to see Bob Hughes. Bob had retired two years back and after a long battle, Reid had let Luke talk him into bowing out of the Chief-of-Staff race in favour of Chris. Actually it was more like a lesson in positive reinforcement, like when Luke had his no sex rule, but Reid was trying hard not to think of his patient as a naked gay man who used to writhe under him most nights, begging to be taken. It would not do Reid's blood pressure much good. Bob seemed oblivious to Reid's thoughts, thank goodness, and continued speaking.

"I came as soon as my son called me. I take it it's not good news." Reid would answer Bob.

"Luke thinks it's 2012, he's a Snyder and apparently he's still dating me, as scary as that prospect is." Bob winced. Noah still looked pale.

"He doesn't think he's a Mayer. In fact, he won't even _touch_ me Bob. My own _husband_. After everything we went through to be together and he can't even remember we _are_ together." Noah's voice cracked, a very clear indication that he was close to tears. Bob took a step forward and patted him on the shoulder consolingly. Bob would then talk to Reid.

"I think under the circumstances, Dr. Oliver, it would be best for all parties concerned, Luke especially, if you handed his notes to another physician." Noah nodded. Reid simply smirked.

"Whilst I'd _love_ to oblige you, can I remind you that not only is your _Son_ now Chief-of-Staff Bob, but I am the only doctor in Oakdale qualified to treat Luke. Not only that, but I believe before I transferred from Dallas, you didn't have anyone closer than me that could have done half as good a job on Luke as me." Reid stood there with a stance that screamed at Bob to try and argue with him. Bob simply shrugged.

"Fine, then as of now I am reinstating myself as a member of staff here. You can continue to treat Luke, but all treatment must be cleared with me first. You got that?" Reid rolled his eyes.

"And what do you know about Brain Surgery, Bob? I'd guess about as much as I know about 'People Skills'... or whatever the hell they're called these days." As if to illustrate the point, Reid gave a blaze shrug of his shoulders and puckered up his lips in a sour look for a few seconds.

"You're right, Reid, I don't know about your speciality. But let me tell you this." Reid rolled his eyes, sighed and made a motion by his head to indicate that Bob might be loopy.

"I helped deliver Luke Mayer. I watched him grow up and I defended you _both_ to _Invictor_ when they said it was him or your job in the new wing. Do _not_ try and tell me I don't know squat about Luke because I am probably one of the few people who know him inside out just as well as Lily, Holden and Noah. You _will_ be reporting to me and I'll get the Board to sanction it if I have to." Without Reid saying anything, Bob stopped a young ward assistant carrying a bunch of pristine white lab coats. She gave him one with a smile and went on her way. Bob shrugged it on.

"Now, hand me Luke's notes _Dr._ Oliver." Reid continued to smirk, but put his free hand up in a gesture to show he appeared to be admitting defeat. With his other hand, he passed over the notes.

"Okay Clarissa Mountdew, Gynaecology, _whatever_ you say." Bob looked down at the inscription and said nothing. As Bob headed towards the Staff Room, Reid turned to Noah and exhaled.

"Well, I _never_ thought I'd see the day when Luke needed the services of a Gynaecologist."


	3. Where To Next

_**Chapter 3: Where To Next**_

It had been two weeks since the initial moment that Noah realised that his husband might be in bigger trouble than everyone originally thought. Yes, he had woken up, that was undeniably a good thing. But Noah could not help feeling like having a Luke like this was almost worse than no Luke at all. If Luke had died as a result of his cerebral injuries at least Noah would have had the memories of Luke's love up to that point. Now he felt as if the shell of Luke's body was the only part of Luke he knew; the mind was of someone else. Someone else that Noah did not know. More importantly than that, someone else who was not willing to accept any of what he was being told.

For that, Noah felt like a fraud.

Luke may have been able to accept that the date now ended in a '5' and not a '2' but he was obstinately refusing to believe that any other details had changed. Luke was Luke Snyder. He was twenty-six years old (according to the new date).

_Luke and Reid were dating_.

Perhaps the worst thing of all for Noah was that Luke believed their last meeting involved a rather loud argument where Noah stormed out yelling the words

"And I never want to see you again, _ever_, Luke Snyder!"

Luke was even able to recall insignificant details leading up to that like the film they had watched on cable the night before (_Pretty Woman_), the total of the grocery shop that week ($50.76) and even the colour socks Noah had worn the previous day (black). When it came to details like the break up between Reid and Luke in June 2015, he said it never happened. He and Noah had only spoken briefly, but cordially, since their break up and there was no chance they would even get back together let alone marry!

Noah felt that Luke might benefit from seeing photos and other mementos from the past three years but both Reid and Bob strongly advised against this. Research showed that Luke needed to remember on his own terms if he was going to at all. Showing him photos and video _would_ give him memories undoubtedly, but memories of _those pictures_ and not the _actual events_. That should be avoided where possible – in the long run things could be made worse because of it.

Noah still visited the hospital to check on Luke every day though he did not always visit Luke's room. On the occasions he did he came out feeling worse than he did before. Luke still remembered nothing. It was not that Luke and Noah did not get on – they did. It was just that Noah found it increasingly hard to be the Noah of three years ago, whilst Luke found it increasingly hard to understand the Luke of today.

When Luke was physically well enough to leave hospital a meeting was called for hospital staff, family and friends concerned to discuss the next steps. Going back into the community was a risky strategy. However, it was the only one left. Besides that, there really was not a medical reason to continue Luke's admission. He could easily be dealt with in Outpatients from here on out. Various scenarios were put forward for where Luke would live after. Noah was first to suggest Luke come back to the farm. Lily and Holden offered a place in their new home. The couple also offered to move back into the farm with Luke if he preferred. It would be a house swap of sorts between them and their new son-in-law. Bob and Kim even offered to have Luke stay. A few other friends offered to have Luke. It was even suggested that an apartment be rented for Luke on his own until he figured out what he wanted. The one person that _did not_ speak was Reid Oliver. Once the talk had died down, Noah turned to him.

"You haven't said much, Dr. Oliver." Noah had reverted to calling Reid by his professional title as this made him feel more comfortable in this bizarre situation.

"Social rehabilitation – it's not really my thing. I just came for the free food." Noah raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? I would have thought you'd be the first person to offer Luke a place to stay. I mean, he _does_ think you two are still an item. So why not get back what you lost? Luke was always what you wanted." It was said with an unmasked tone of anger. Lily came to the rescue by squeezing Noah's hand and patting his arm reassuringly.

"I'm not going to offer Luke a place to stay. I'm his physician – it would be wrong." Noah almost laughed.

"Bob offered him somewhere to stay."

"Still, I'm not declaring my house open for social rehabilitation."

Ultimately the decision fell to Luke. It was decided that Bob, Holden, Lily, Noah and Reid would all go and see him. Reid was going to perform the final tests so that Luke could be discharged. Lily sat on her son's bed by his feet and Holden and Bob sat the other side of Luke. Reid was at the table studying notes, ignoring what was going on, and Noah stood half in the door, leaning on the doorframe. Truth be told, Noah did not really want to be in the room at all. It would be bad enough knowing that Luke did not want to go home with him, as he already suspected, but to hear those words, it would be crushing. He already knew that whatever the outcome, he would have to woo his husband all over again starting from scratch. This time there would be no shotgun wedding and it would take much longer than forty-six hours to win his husband back. Even if it took years, Noah was determined that Luke would fall for him all over again.

"So, honey, the decision is yours. Where do you want to live?" Lily said. The tension in the room was palpable. Noah could feel a chill in the air and the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Then Luke spoke:

"I want to live with him." Luke's had extended out and his index finger was clearly pointing towards Reid Oliver. The one man in the room who had ruled himself out of the race.

Nobody noticed as Noah slipped out and sat on a waiting room chair as silent tears rolled uninhibited down his face.

Noah was crying for his husband.


	4. Help Me

_**Chapter 4: Help Me**_

The front door slammed and the pair stepped in to Reid's home.

"I'm going to go and stick your bag in the spare room." Reid said and Luke pouted.

"Awww, c'mon. You've never had me sleep in there before. In fact, the last time I suggested it, I remember you getting really upset. You said you're much better in surgery if you have me in your bed before."

"It's a pity you don't remember anything else." Reid said almost inaudibly.

Luke frowned.

"Did you say something?" Reid chose to ignore the question.

"Luke, contrary to what everyone says about me, I'm not a _total_ ass. I want to make something very clear: whilst you're living here as my patient, you'll be sleeping in the spare room. You got that?"

There was a hint of irritation in his voice. Luke continued to pout.

"Whatever you say, _boss_." He smirked. Back when they were dating, that pet name was something Reid got turned on by. Now, he simply rolled his eyes in disgust and continued up the stairs.

Once in his spare room Reid sat down heavily on the bed, sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He had purposely ruled himself out of the housing list and, yet again, Luke Snyder had turn Reid Oliver's world upside down. Only this time it was not to 'Rock His World' in a good way. Reid never thought there would come a day when he would_ not_ want to share a house, or a bed, with Luke.

Reid still remembered the day that he met Luke Snyder, as he was back then. It was January 2010. Five years ago. Snyder and Mayer were still an item back then. That very first day Reid met Luke he knew they would be together eventually. There was unmistakable chemistry in the air. Luke, of course, had denied that and for a while the pair seemed to be rival enemies. They got on for the sake of the hospital but that was about as far as it went. Reid used to call Luke the 'Rich Brat' on account of his biological father's assistance in setting up the foundation. Soon after they got together, Reid dropped the 'Rich Brat' although Luke continued to call Reid 'Boss'. It worked for them.

Reid could not forget the day they got together. Luke was hanging around the hospital waiting for someone and Reid was getting ready to scrub in to a particularly awkward operation. It was a rather complicated procedure thus Reid was in a particularly snappy frame of mind. Luke was trying to wind him up and succeeding.

"_Oh? Is someone actually __**NERVOUS**__?" Luke laughed. _

_That flirtatious smirk was adorning his lips and Reid knew that he was going to have trouble tearing himself away when the time came to actually scrub in. For months now, Luke had been akin to a drug for him. Something wrong that he could not have no matter how much he craved that substance. Reid would watch him when Luke was oblivious. Sometimes he would sit and watch Luke and Noah and crave what their relationship held. It absolutely pained him that Luke and Noah were so undeniably good together. They had all the right stuff going for them. When they were together it was like an explosive electric current was flowing through the room. Luke had dropped enough hints on other occassions for Reid to know that things were even more volatile in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen or wherever else the primal urge overtook them. Reid had always imagined that Luke and Noah were somewhat calmer in their sexual exploits and this news had caught him off-guard. So much so that he had spat his coffee out in surprise. Luke just patted his shoulder, chuckled and carried on walking away from Reid. At the end of the corridor, Luke turned and grinned back at Reid. Maybe it was his imagination, but Reid swore he saw Luke wink. _

_But, back to the day they got together._

"_I think you're nervous!" Luke said, glee lighting up his face._

_Reid blinked and looked at him, not having realised that his thoughts had distracted him from answering._

"_**OH MY GOD!**__ You __**so**__ are!" Luke laughed._

_Reid said nothing. He was afraid he might just stick his foot in it. For once the arrogant doctor did not have a put-down to retort with and that unnerved him._

"_Dr. Oliver?" _

_Luke's features creased up in concern._

"_Hmmm?" Reid hummed enquiringly. _

_Luke cracked a mischievous grin._

"_You know this operation... it's complicated... I mean we have to insert the...the...the... catheter at exactly the same moment and it's Chris Hughes that has to help..." Reid suddenly babbled as if that would get him off the hook. _

_Luke laughed._

"_My God you're __**babbling **__Dr. Oliver!"_

"_I do that when I get nervous. I don't know what to say, so I just lose control." He gave a somewhat shy smile._

"_You know, you're much cuter when you smile, Dr. Oliver." The flirtatious tone and accompanying smirk was undeniable this time. _

_Reid looked downwards coyly and then back up. He chuckled._

"_Are you... are you flirting with me Mr. Snyder?"_

"_Maybe." Luke smirked._

"_It depends." He continued._

"_On what?" Reid could barely choke the words out. _

_He was starting to feel light-headed. He must be dreaming. Luke Snyder would never flirt with him. Ever. He was too wrapped up in that boyfriend of his to notice if the floor were to split open in front of him and start spewing the fires of Hell. __**That**__ was how into Noah Luke was. Reid swallowed nervously as Luke stepped so close that their waists were almost touching and he reached out to straighten Reid's white coat. Reid thought he might just self-combust with the heady mix of sexual anticipation that was flowing within him._

_Just then they were interrupted by a nurse coming by. She cleared her throat._

"_Dr. Oliver?"_

_He glared as his head snapped round to look at her._

"_This __**better**__ be good." His voice was a deep snarl and even Luke flinched in surprise. _

_The nurse looked like she wanted to cry._

"_It's your time to scrub in." Before he could even say anything she had fled down the corridor._

"_Be nice to the Nurses, Dr. Oliver." Luke said._

"_Hmpf!" Reid grumbled. _

_They were in the middle of something good. The patient could have waited another few minutes. It would not have killed him._

"_You should go. It wouldn't do to keep anyone waiting. Even if you are the __**boss**__." _

_The way Luke said that word, Reid thought he might just go over the edge then and there. Luke was well and truly turning him on. He could now see why Noah found it impossible to keep his hands off Luke until they were in the bedroom!_

_Before Reid could move away, Luke's lips were suddenly pressed frantically against his. Reid was sure the world around them was a milisecond away from bursting into flames and consuming them both. In his surprise, he had not started to kiss Luke back. Then, just as Reid was about to take his chance and pour his soul into their connection, Luke pulled back, breathing hard._

"_They're waiting for you to scrub in, Dr. Oliver."_

_Had the last five seconds actually happened? Reid was not sure if it had not been his imagination after all. With a stunned expression on his face, Reid turned round to walk away. Just then, Luke chose that moment to snake his arms round Reid's waist to stop him dead in his tracks. Luke's breath was hot in his ear as he whispered the words Reid never thought he would hear Luke say to him._

"_I'll be waiting for you."_

Reid let out a long, shaky breath as he sat on what would now be Luke's bed, remembering that day and the events that led up to it. His hand scraped through his already tossled hair and then he groaned in frustration. _Why_ had he done an about-turn and accepted Luke's plea to let him live here?

Oh yes, that was right. He could never deny Luke Mayer anything.

Just then, the bedroom door creaked open and Luke stood there looking very vulnerable.

"Reid?"

As Reid looked up, Luke walked into the room and sat down on the bed just a few inches apart from Reid. Luke reached for Reid's hand, though Reid was one step ahead of him and moved it away first. Reid bit his lower lip and watched as Luke looked heartbroken.

"This is hard on me too. I have no idea what you expect me to remember, Reid. I" Reid cut him off there by starting to speak.

"You should get some rest, Luke. I'll see you in the morning." He would stand up and pat Luke's shoulder as he did so. Then he would leave the room and pull the door shut without looking back. As Reid entered the bathroom and shut that door behind him, he let out a long sigh. To be on the safe side, he locked the bathroom door before sinking to the floor against the bath tub. As the cold water in the shower ran to mask any noise, he pulled out his cell phone and sent a simple text.

_Help me._


	5. Sanctuary

_**Chapter 5 – Sanctuary**_

Noah sighed and slumped down at the kitchen table. Many questions buzzed through his head. He just could not explain to himself how this had happened. Had he done anything wrong? Had he not shown Luke enough love? Had Bob and Reid been wrong? Should he have just tried to trigger Luke's memories with photos? What would happen next? And then, the question hit him that made his gut wrench and sent him to curl up double over the bathroom toilet. He swore, at that moment, that his gut was being ripped in two. The pain was almost unbearable.

_What if Luke tried to file for divorce?_

That thought alone was enough to send any man's blood running cold. For Noah, it was especially unbearable. They had fought so hard to get to this point that it hurt in more ways than one could imagine to think that Luke would not regain the part of his memory that held love for Noah. Noah just had to look at his husband to feel the wave of love zap up from his stomach to his chest to know that they were meant to be together. It was a feeling so intense that he found it hard to contain himself when Luke was around. Each breath was a chore and thought was impossible. Every fibre of his being ached for him. For his touch, for his love. As he sat up and leaned against the cold tiles of the bathroom, Noah had to concede that perhaps it was not a bad thing after all that Luke was not there to remind him every day what he could not have.

Eventually Luke drifted off to sleep. It was a fitful rest and by no means helpful. He dreamt of things of which he knew nothing.

_The feeling of being loved had never felt so strong. Luke was walking barefoot across a vast expanse of sand. He could see palm trees, smell the ocean, feel its spray. There was nobody for miles and yet he did not feel afraid. This seclusion was just what he needed, wanted even. He did not know why he was here or where he was going but something compelling propelled him forwards. It was as if he had been told where to go._

_As he climbed a collection of rocks he paused and smiled at the sight below. In the area they shielded someone had laid out a picnic on a large white sheet. In the centre, on pink folded notepaper was a note. On the outside it simply read __**LUKE**__ in a familiar scrawl. Luke could not remember whose handwriting it was. He just knew when he saw it, it made him smile. He bent down and picked it up. The paper, just one sheet, held a short handwritten note._

_**Dearest Luke,**_

_**I know we will laugh about this later. **_

_**No matter how hard I try, I can never find the words to express how I feel about you. I can tell you I love you with every fibre of my being. Yet, those words are not adequate. It's so much more than that. More than I am sure I could ever express, and much more than you will ever know.**_

_**So, my Luke, I will just say this:**_

_**I love you with everything I have. I just hope this is enough for you. **_

_**I love you, Luke Snyder.**_

_Luke's eyes were about to fall to the signature but he was caught off-guard as a pair of strong arms encircled his waist, pulling him against a muscular body. Luke's eyes closed as he inhaled a mixture of sea air and the man's cologne. As he turned round, the note fell to the floor and the free hands grasped at the man's sides. Luke did not have to open his eyes to know that their lips were millimetres from each other. He whispered against those lips as they began to kiss, slowly. They had all the time in the world, just the two of them._

"_I love you too."_

Luke sat bolt upright in bed. He was cold and shivering and yet clammy sweat was running down his face and neck. The dream and the feelings he was left with felt so real it scared him. Where had he been? Why had they had a picnic on a beach surrounded by rocks that shielded their very existence from the world?

Who was the man who professed undying love for him?

Luke sighed and rubbed his face. There was no chance he could sleep now. He slid carefully out of bed and tiptoed down the stairs. Luke knew which floorboards to avoid in this house so as not to alert Reid. Carefully, he crossed the lounge and opened the front door just enough to slide out of the crack. He then shut the door behind him without so much as a telling 'click' of the lock.

There was only one place Luke went when he needed to be alone to think. Barefoot and in nothing but a thin t-shirt and boxers he set out down the road.


	6. My Luke

_**Chapter 6 – My Luke**_

It was the following late morning when Noah woke up and went for his regular run. Unlike most people, he did not take a music device with him. Noah liked to be at one with nature. He found the sound of the water, the birds, the wind rustling gently through the trees calming. He ran a long trail through the local area. Longer than normal. Despite the fact he had been ill the night prior, he needed a good run to get the wind into his system and to cleanse himself of all the negative karma he had flowing through his capillaries.

On his way back he took his usual trail home through Snyder farmland. He loved to stand on the slipway and look out over the lake and remember all the times they had there. The first time they had swum there was etched in his brain – a neverending movie reel – the time he had almost kissed Luke but could not bring himself to because he was still dogmatically convincing himself he was a hot-blooded heterosexual... not a hot-blooded _homosexual_. He grimaced at the memories of what Colonel Mayer had put him through. Even today, the turmoil was still rife within him.

Noah did not know how long he stood there. Lost in thought, watching a point in the horizon and yet not focusing on it enough to know what he was really seeing. The wind picked up and an unusual noise caught his attention. Turning, he spotted the tree house that Luke always used as a place when he needed to think. It was tranquil. Noah had always respected Luke's space and only gone up there a handful of times when he had been invited. Today though, he walked over to the wooden ladder and took a deep breath as he began to climb.

What felt like minutes later, his head popped up into the space. His heart broke over and over watching the simple scene playing out before his eyes. Luke was sat in the middle of the space, his legs up by his chest, rocking back and forth and crying harder than Noah had ever seen. It took all of two seconds for Noah to vault his body into the tree house and crawl over to Luke.

"Oh My Luke."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Noah instantly regretted it. Luke _was not_ his. Not right now anyway. Still, watching Luke like this was heartbreaking. Literally. So Noah did what he always did when Luke was down and pulled him against his chest. Noah's arms would go round Luke and hold him so he felt physically secure. One hand found Luke's hair and he stroked, trying to sooth whatever pain there was. Luke clung to Noah as if his very life depended on it. His tear-stained face became buried in Noah's t-shirt and it was impossible to tell where Noah's sweat stain ended and Luke's tear stain began. Noah did not care. Luke could cry over his whole damn wardrobe if it made him feel better.

Noah did not know how long he held Luke like this. Sometime later Luke's crying subsided and easy breathing could be felt against Noah's stomach. Breathing that indicated a sleeping man. Only then did Noah release the breath he did not know he had been holding all that time. He was afraid to move too much in case Luke woke. Truth be told, Noah wanted to kid himself that this was how it always was and that the husbands were still deeply in love. It could only last, regrettably until Luke awoke. As Luke slept, Noah shuffled them to the wall, so he could lean back comfortably as Luke slept, his head nestled into Noah's stomach.


	7. Memory

_**Chapter 7: Memory**_

It would be pointless to say that once Luke woke up all went back to normal. This is not _Sleeping Beauty_ or _Cinderella_. This is a story of two mortal men who lived in the year 2015 and suffered just as much as the next soul.

Or maybe more. That is for you to conclude, if you so wish.

At some point, Noah's phone bleeped and he replied to a text. Luke stirred but did not wake. When he did, his head was cradled in Noah's lap and his tear stains were but fading blotches upon his face.

"Hi."

Luke said and lifted his hand to run the back of it along Noah's stubble.

"Afternoon."

Slowly, their heads began to inch closer. It was a slow motion movie reel. Luke's face full of uncertainty and trepidation. Noah's face full of lust. Their lips stopped just millimetres apart.

"Are you sure?..."

Luke asked. Noah could feel Luke's breath dance across his lips, they were that close.

Noah said nothing. The fact his head bowed further downwards was enough. Their kiss was a slow, chaste, one of exploration. Slowly, Luke's hand reached up to the back of Noah's neck and stroked his hair-line there. Noah groaned in the kiss. Luke pulled back and smiled. A smile that was relaxed and showed fulfilment.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Letting me do that... I... I... was trying to remember..."

Noah held his breath and did not dare speak. His eyes, full with worry, searched Luke's face. Luke's eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry, I just don't remember."

Noah reached out to stroke Luke's cheek, where a fresh trail of tears was.

"It's okay. I understand."

"That's the problem, I don't."

He took a deep breath.

"Noah, I remember when we were first together. I remember when you graduated. How proud of you I was, watching you walk across that stage and meet the Dean. I remember the party after. Heck, I even remember that we watched _Pretty Woman_ the night before we broke up!"

Noah winced, but Luke carried on.

"I remember the break up, how you said you never wanted to see me again."

"But...I...Lu-"

"I remember you said you never wanted to see me again. Then I remember you leaving. I cried. I cried, because the only man I had loved could not _bear_ to even be in the same room as me. I remember going over to Reid's and I remember how he was a source of comfort."

Noah snorted.

"And I remember how that source turned into something mutual and next thing I know, I was waking up in his bed."

Noah was not too sure how much more of this he wanted to hear.

"Reid and you... You were the complete opposite of each other. You were emotional and gentle and caring. He was brash and arrogant and said what he meant and meant what he said. He didn't understand family or special occasions. He dwelled on the negative, you the positive. But despite how unlike you he was, I really did love him. Next thing, we were celebrating two years together."

Noah sucked in a breath.

"And then what?"

Luke looked crest-fallen and Noah could not help but reach out to squeeze his hand.

"And then... I just don't remember."

Noah looked down, so that he would not show his despairing expression to Luke. He looked down and saw their interlinked hands.

Luke had taken off his wedding ring.


End file.
